Firewood joke

"Hello, is this the sheriff's office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the sheriff's deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd. Did the sheriff come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Happy birthday, buddy!"

WCS: Animals

mountain lion (cougar): don't run, make yourself bigger (open wide your coat), scream aggressively, throw rocks at it
gorilla: don't run, be docile, don't be aggressive, groom it
bear: lie there and stay still, don't climb trees; if it attacks you, fight back; if you just see a bear, make your presence known (ring a bell works)
killer bees: if they sting you, run away
charging giraffe: climb a tree, or run to a body of water
charging rhino: climb a tree, or stand and shout loudly
charging elephants: climb a tree, or lie down on the ground and don't move
stampede of shoppers: go to the edge, do it early rather than later

Gotta remember this and not mix it up! Imagine if you met a cougar and you decided to groom it? Or if there was a charging rhino and you run to a body of water? That'd be bad! Study this list hard and you'll be okay.