Saturday, September 24, 2005

Irrational Fear

Yesterday night, after turning off my computer, and I headed toward the bathroom in the dark – I realized I had an irrational fear.

It’s really odd! Before I didn’t understand irrational fears, but when you have one, it changes things. Okay, I had this irrational fear for a long time (at least 10 years), but only now do I realize I have it. And I can take a guess on where it evolved from.

I was shopping with my mom, and we went into some clothing store. Being uninterested, I just walked around, or being small, I probably walked around pretty fast. Anyway, long story short, I run into a glass wall. I hit my head. And this is where my irrational fear comes from:

Fear of hitting my head into something I can’t see. Thus, late at night, if there are no lights on, I am very extra careful. I have one hand out, to reach walls or railings, and the other hand is either looking for the other wall, or it is RIGHT IN FRONT of my head. No, not 2 feet away, but like, half a foot away. It’s as if something might attack me, that my hand 2 feet away can’t stop but something half a foot away might stop.

Also, I walk really slowly and really cautiously, so that my hand can catch everything. Take for example, this concrete example:

You know in the old house, the portion of ground between the bottom of the basement stairs, and the big room? Okay, it used to be a bit more cluttered, but the comparison is the same. In pure daylight, you can “navigate” that portion in 2 seconds. When it’s dark and the lights are off and I can’t see a thing, it takes me 2 minutes to get from the big room to the bottom of the stairs.

I think I’m also scared of running into doors that are open/ajar. That also hits your head. Anyway, so that’s my irrational fear.


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